Am I the only one who wants to escape this life pattern?

I don't know what I want. Being in a good relationship, still I'm not feeling that love. He's more practical in life and emotions also. Since childhood, I always wanted to be loved unconditionally but at the end only begging and balancing and compressing. I don't want to have hobbies and being rich in life. I want to be rich and content with what I have in present. I'm always thinking what should I do next in life but yet unable to do it. My whole motivation is done. I don't want to enter in this race. Why can't I have peace without doing anything? Being still and enjoying moments with loved one is wrong to ask now and I'm scared of that harsh and practical words. I don't want to be a human. I want to live happy and smiling. I'm just questioning my self worth. I'm different from others but they want me to push in the rat race only and they are not ready to accept me. Am I the only who is thinking in this way? If there's anyone here who think like this please reach out to me. I really need help and support.