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Is it you? Are you the one? Or is it the slightly less appealing alternative? The one where I am alone in my pathetic-ness?
I can see it though. Really clearly. Us together and HAPPY. Everything we had before and more.
Do you love her? Is it a better love than we had? Can you see yourself with her? Doing what you always said you’d never do? Can you see yourself marrying her? Having kids with her? Making a home together?
Because if not, come back to me.
What if you’re the other half of my puzzle? My missing piece? What if all this time, we’ve been wasting it on trying to find "the one", when really, it’s been us all along.
Remind me, what is the difference between romantic and wrong? Is this, me writing all this down, romantic? Remembering after 5 years the love we had and realizing that a part of me will always love you. Me, wanting you, longing for you, after all this time. OR is it just wrong? Is it pathetic, weird, creepy?
I guess that all depends on you. On your feelings. If a part of you feels the same, by all means call it romantic. But, if not…
I feel like this part of me has been asleep for 5 years. I pushed it down, suppressed all my feelings for you. Realizing we broke up for a reason. But that reason has been resolved. But I read that letter, I found that shirt, that picture of us. I heard your voice, saw your smile, felt you in my arms again. After all this time. It awoke. Like an angry monster rearing its head, and it’s vengeful. I don’t think I can suppress it again.
So what do I do? Do I tell you this? Pull a romantic gesture, be brave, tell you how I feel, ask you to “Choose me, love me.” Be what I was never comfortable being? Be vulnerable?
Or...do I let you go? Keep my mouth shut, and let you be happy with her? Which one means I love you more?
I know we had our problems. I know some things you did and some things I did. I don’t just remember the good times. I remember our fights, I remember our frustrations. I don’t want to change you. That’s not the definition of love. But if we both tried harder, do things to make the other person happier, prove our love instead of just taking from each other...
I don’t know what you’re thinking. I don’t know how you feel. I don’t know what the right thing to do is here. But I know that I love you still. I know that what we had was exceptional. We were exceptional. We fit. We just fit perfectly with each other and how do I let that go? How do I not fight for us?
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