The Care

Sometimes I try to care about things but I don’t know if it makes any difference. I try to care about the effort the person I watch every day play video games puts in it. I try to care about that one artist putting up with so much backlash. I try to care about the beekeepers getting stung by bees. I try to care about the universe existing. I try to care about everyone and everything and I put myself in doubt that I’m accomplishing anything other than thinking I’m doing something good. Does anyone else feels this way I wonder… Would it make any difference? Or is it just to feel good about myself, caring for others. It gets to the point of feeling something really powerful, like suddenly feeling validated by the universe, and my mind would feel so intensely about things, that that’s why I try to show care… But honestly I feel as though I’m nobody and that I’m just an overrated overthinker. It happens to me often that I’m trying to visualize… visualize how I think I take everyone into consideration, and soon realizing that the more I know about people, the more I know that we are very different. You know what it is sad? Spending my life writing philosophical matters that don’t make a difference. I feel pathetic, I honestly feel like I’m selfish and a hypocrite sometimes… but at least I try to care. It’s in me to try to have pretty thoughts about myself. I gotta be honest, it is hard, at least for me, to actually find motivation, meaning or desire in suggestions other people make to improve my life, because first of all I am dumb and forget, and days go by and I remember more about myself than I do other people’s… in case that isn’t obvious, because that’s my life. However, without others I am nothing. I think in order to have value we need relativity. In order to have value we need someone or something standing right besides us. That’s why this is my open letter to let everyone and everything know that there’s at least someone that cares… how much of a difference does it make? It probably does nothing, or it probably makes all the difference. Anyways, after writing all that philosophical ramble, I am going to fall down right back to reality… I’m in my bed, it’s night and it’s cold.