Something is wrong with my brain and its called Borderline Personality Disorder

I'm sitting here feeling a bit lost, angry, sad, empty and lonely. No I'm not suicidal. Yes I'm in therapy. But it's been a year and I feel worse than before the diagnosis. At first I felt relieved, like there's a name for it besides "what tf is wrong with me". Yes I know I sound like a victim maybe that's part of the problem. I'm almost 60. People my age don't believe in any of this shit. I on the other hand believe in science. And the brain is amazing. I know that. I believe I can literally heal my brain. I mean neuroscience is the coolest thing ever. If I could only go back to school... Anyway I digress... As usual . Ad nauseaum. I feel guilty at my reactions and emotional outbursts, usually in anger, at everyone from strangers at work, to friends, on Facebook, at the gas station. I'm fucking exhausted and sick and tired of being in this loop of my wasted life. It's 4:30 and I have to get up in a few hours to work, before I lose my car and my apt. Because I've been stuck in this house not wanting to go anywhere for weeks. The VA monthly mental health video appts don't help at all except to refill prescriptions. And yet I know I don't want to give up somehow. But I dont have enough confidence to pull myself out of this hole? I mean it isn't quicksand . It's been years I'm stuck. Decades. But I keep trying and just about getting out and then boom... falling right back to the same fog shit hole. God I sound pathetic. But I'm glad I found this tonight. Hey I'm not crying anymore or angry. For now lol