down with anti-depressants and a mess of a family

the hypocrisy of being in a religious and christian family is the wrath of a father who blames everything with their children’s actions and a mother who cannot appease this monster.

at a younger age, such instances of explosive anger would arise with little arguments between the maiden of your choice. henceforth, i would crumble beneath the table, shaking with fear as you would engraved your irritation on the wooden walls. as you ticked and ticked, the noise of scratches make it seem as if the my skin was peeling of.

at my early teen, the argument grew bigger as some other party was involved. you grasped my shoulder and looked me in the eye — to whom should i part with. and as if you were struck with lighting, you went back with your own feet to declare a treaty.

as the years passed by, it seemed that you’ve forgotten about the chaos it would become when a child is involved. the opposite of me - gender wise - yet similar eyes were filled with fear as tears trickled down his cheeks. those akin cheeks that you’ve laid hands when i was of similar age. where the blood was dripping on my cheeks, as well as my disdain of you have evolved to something much more bigger. perhaps, hatred yet not entirely. as i cannot deny that you had your moments of being actually and actively like a father.

i also cannot deny that i cannot fully heal with your presence. but i have no name of my own and i cannot leave the second child alone in this mess.

yet now as you are at the present, down again with your hostile nature and your impulsive action. you blame me for the disrespect i give when i do not utter a single word back as you speak, as my mind would flicker back on the day that when i opened my mouth, only to be met with your hardened palm. it felt as if my jaw dislocated, down with my mental stability.

i wished, oh dearest, i wished, to never exist in this realm from the very beginning. or perhaps, my insanity would lead me to cease at all.