This barrier between us

I wonder if the problem is me. I'm not used to being complimented: Beautiful, young, can keep up an interesting talk. I don't think you were being sincere at all, you only wanted to flirt and earn your way to my heart. Then, you found out how conflicting I am. I could feel the regret surrounding you like an aura, I could see in your eyes a sadness you were longing for someone better. No, don't deny it. This is not how you'll comfort me. I don't need white lies. Just tell me the truth and I'll be gone from your life. Not even a friend of yours. I'll be what I've always been all these years, a stranger.

And, there's this girl. She's everything I'm not. You're so affectionate with her. You hug her like you're in love. And if you hug me it seems like a bother. No, it's not in my head. There's a barrier between us. Do you regret asking me out? Do you regret telling me that you wanted me? Do you wish it was her? I doubt you'll say it. I doubt you'll be so close to the point of our eyes locking as if we're holding each other at gunpoint. Don't be sacred of hurting me or my feelings. All I want is the truth. I don't want to be where I'm not appreciated. I don't think you appreciate our friendship as well.

I didn't want to be this way I am. Life threw some stuff at me. I dealt with everything alone. That's why I don't think I'm all that. That's why I think you should be with this other girl. She's not insecure. She's friendly. She doesn't talk so bad about herself. She knows she's beautiful. Don't hurt her. She doesn't deserve it. Ask her out. Be her boyfriend and future husband. I give up. I'll never find love anyway. I cry as I write this. Things you'll never know. Now, it's time for me to go.