Wanna isolate again

I can feel the urge to not go out of the house again. I've done a somewhat semi hikikomori in the past, wherein I don't go out for weeks and barely talk to people. If I needed to go out to buy stuff, I did with little interaction with anyone and litteraly not talking. Back then I realized that if I suddenly die, nobody would know since my family dont regularly check on me and my co-workers were used to my impromptu absences. Maybe when I was a NEET I isolated myself for months.

Since last week, I have no energy to go out. I dont want to interact with people. I just wanna stay home and be chronically online. But I do get out because I can now get in trouble at work and its too bothersome to deal with it. But I still had to miss 2 days of work since I did get sick so I'm kind of feeling "what's the point of avoiding the hassle of the consequences of absences when I already have absences?" I'm not yet suicidal but there are times when I wish I'm dead and no longer have to deal with stuff.

I am self aware enough that I'm most probably experiencing depression since I am also feeling lonely and missing some old friends. I crave attention and being comforted by others but also feel like not wanting to be with others with the mixture of feelings of not wanting to burden others, we're not close enough, and/or my concerns are not worth sharing.

I just wanna share my thoughts and feelings anonymously since I don't really know who in my life I can confortably share them with