father, why?

Dear, biological father why?

Why is a question I think of a lot. Some examples are, why did you cheat on mom, why did you abuse her, why did you accept your son who rapped me back into the family just because my mom remarried when you knew what he did to me for those three years, why did you choose drugs over us, why are you so heartless, why am i not good enough for you despite the shitty trash your other kids turned out, why didn't you care when Thomas committed suicide? those are only half of the "whys" i could ask you. I'm done trying to get you to love me. I'm done letting you back in my life. the next time i see you will be your funeral because i don't plan on visiting when you get out of prison. You will never be invited to my graduations, my wedding, or the birth of my first kid. I plan on changing my last name and getting rid of the things you left behind so i can finally move on without thinking about you. you who abandoned me after I tried so hard to prove myself to you. i got good grades and never complained about my issues. I kept everything down and every time you went to jail i welcomed you back with love. I didn't do drugs , i didn't date people you didn't approve of, and I endured watching you hurt my mom. you used to tell me i was your only hope as the family's only non fuck up. you lied. you secretly chose everyone else but me. you sat back and watched as I was continuously manipulated and hurt. I tried to take my life and even then you were barley paying attention to me. Thomas was a close family friend and you always said how much he was like a son to you. He was in our life for years but when we called you to tell you the news you scoffed and said "okay". not only then did i start to despise you i also began to realize you never cared. If step one was to make me feel special is worked and if step two was to make my life hell it worked. if step three was to make yourself my last latter and then abandon me it worked. If step four was to never see me again it worked. I don't ever wanna see you again. I want you to forget about child support because I don't wanna have to owe you anything. I can do it all without you. I wont ever need you again.

-sincerely your "child"