The trauma I endured

So I find this trend called, Candy Salad Trauma Dumping. And I really want to do that...But I can't. What I can do is trauma dump here, cause this is what this site is for. So here is all the trauma I can remember (hopefully)

1. when I was 5 I used to play with my neighbor's kids, said kids locked me in their garage, where my brother had to come and get me out.

2. Since childhood, I've had an eating disorder, which my parents always assume is me being a picky eater.

3. My brother started to lose his hair due to the stress of taking care of me and my sister. I still blame myself for it, even when he told me it was more because of my sister than me.

4. I watched my two brothers fight, the eldest got a bloody nose, and I always thought it was because of me. Due to that, I developed anxiety from fights.

5. I never really saw my parents when I was 5-6 until I started school. My first memories of them was when they would harshly brush my hair and making me cry and yelling at me.

6. My family had to move continuously since I was 6-8

7. I had gotten car sick and threw up in the car while we were moving to our latest house

8. I developed Suicidal depression when I was 8

9. I saw my sister Pleasuring herself, I became hypersexual and I still can't get over it

10. My parents started to fight a lot, I started to learn to listen better to hear everything

11. After never telling anyone about how I was feeling, I told my sister that I would cry every night. She denied my feelings and said I was lying

12. I used to always ask my sister if she loved me, and she would always say that Love was too strong of a word. Even now, I never got confirmation if she ever loved me.

13. During Thanksgiving, my brother started a verbal fight with my mom, fought my dad, and got pushed outside.

13. near Christmas, my parents started to fight, and my dad started to choke my mom and I stood right in front of the door and heard it. Once my dad left, my Mom yelled at me for not doing anything and my dad came home, and she pointed a knife at him. Strangely, they also made up right after.

14. (Something I forgot to add) I didn't like to do my homework, so my mom forced me to sit down in their room and 'help' me do it. I started to cry, my dad came in and yelled at to the point that I rushed out and locked myself in the bathroom. Since then I had anxiety had asking for help.

15. During one night, I started to have an anxiety attack because my eldest brother was yelling at a game(?)

16. I saw a kid that I took speech class with ran out in the street and yelled for a car to hit him.

17. My best friend, that I have been friends with since 2nd grade, started to ignore me when we got into middle school (6th).

18. Covid started, started to dive deeper into depression

19. Tried to kill myself from overdosing, didn't work.

20. My 13th birthday was so horrible that I can't look forward to my birthday anymore.

21. Covid ended, I decided to isolate myself because I felt like I couldn't deal with being friends with people who were bound to leave anyway. Didn't go forward with it, since I met my now best friend during that time.

22. Developed a bad body image of myself. Couldn't look at my body without feeling sick.

23. Looked in the mirror once and couldn't recognize myself

24. I had a hard time staying awake during class, so when I had a test and couldn't understand certain things, I would cry silently because I couldn't ask for help due to #14

25. I developed a small fear of germs because of Covid, and I was scared to take off my mask when we could.

26. (Another thing I forgot) During covid, probably before I tried ODing, I ran away, got homesick and came back.

27. My mom passed out at the store once, my dad came home panicked and had everyone unload the groceries before going to the ER where my mom was.

28. During a time when I tried to open up about myself with my mom, we were packing for me to go camping with my friend. She wanted me to bring my medi-card and went on a rant about the injuries I could get, which started to panic me because I have hemophobia (fear of blood), and I could image the injuries in good detail. I started to have a panic attack, and my mom started to yell at me for crying, thinking I was crying because I didn't want to bring the medi-card.

29. I learned my sister was cutting herself, saw bloody tissues, her in the kitchen doing it, and pictures of her wrists.

30. My parents had a big fight when I got home from school after a bad day. They brought the fight upstairs where I was, fought in front of me, my dad almost pushed her down the stairs, triggering me of #13, I hid since that was my trigger response. After my dad went downstairs, I confronted my mom, putting up a brave face and started a fight with her, idiotically. We fought/talked about a lot of things. She told me things that made me feel like I was at fault for stuff. I told her I was Autistic, because I did plenty of research and took the most professional tests a could find. I asked her if I could get diagnosed and she told me I couldn't be Autistic, even using the R word to refer to it.

31. My most recent. During a summer job my family does for 4th of July, we were packing up. And my eldest brother was getting pissy and threw that anger at my dad. I don't know what actually happened cause I refused to move from my seat in fear. my mom said he threw a cement block, my sister said he didn't or doesn't know if he did. Anyway, dad yelled at mom, blaming her for something I did. And we left once everyone cooled down. My mom continued that fight to the next day. And dad for once in my life, apologized to me and my sister for that fight.

I know that there is more I could have added to this list, but it was already a lot.