Rainy Days

Rainy days are the only days that I allow myself to think of you. And I look forward to the days that bring me rain, to laying in bed watching the water trickle down my window wondering if I’m on your mind as you are mine. All of my rainy days belong to you because I can no longer afford to give you all of my other days. I lay and I think about how loving you consumed every part of me that there were days whereI couldn’t breathe with out you. I loved you in a way that I have never loved anyone else, it was all consuming, a love I didn’t think I was possible of feeling until you. Everything was so blissful, I had never felt such passion before with someone else, I was irrevocably in love with everything about you. But slowly, ever so slowly you began to destroy me from the inside out until I became a person I no longer recognize when I look in the mirror. You sucked all of the oxygen out of my lungs, and not in the loving way you did before. It wasn’t like how when we kissed and you kissed me as if you needed all of the air I contain in order for you to be able to breathe, in those moments I willingly would let you take it all from me until I was blue. No, the way you began depriving me of air was life threatening. Both addicting, I was addicted to the love and also the pain that was attached with loving you. But now, I’m just numb, and even though time has passed, I still can not let you go truly and fully. I dont know if I would let you back in, but when I’m watching the rain I like to think of what we planned to be. I close my eyes and torture myself with the thoughts of being loved by you until your dying breath, and loving you until mine. I pray im just young and naive, that this was not the only time that I would feel this love, that I will feel this again but stronger, I refuse to believe that God is that cruel. But even when I do experience this new love with someone else, there will always be a piece of me that I will never get back, that will belong to you. But soon I will get my rainy days back and they will belong to me again, for now though they’re yours and the only time I will allow myself to feel all of the pain and agony that you have left me with.

-sombrr