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It was silly.
And it certainly made no sense to me.
I was sitting there and shaking.
They were all looking at me.
I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
What do I say?
Is it okay to even speak?
This is embarrassing.
Thea, everybody’s watching.
Do you understand the feeling of your surroundings crushing?
And your insides revolting?
I was disgusted with myself.
But I couldn’t cry in front of everyone.
No, that would be worse.
So sit there.
It’s too late to defend yourself.
Admit you are everything they say you are.
Foolish. Useless. Ugly. Stupid. Reclusive.
One thing leads to another.
And the crescents in my palms go deeper.
I’ve never cut myself in my life.
I’d never wished to die.
But in my dreams, I’ve cut myself a million times.
And that night, I dreamt I died for the first time.
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