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Riddled with thoughts and doubts of unworthiness. Not sure if what I am thinking is my own twisted perception or actual reality. It’s confusing, do I recognize that it’s my abandonment issues or is it actually true that I am watching two friends of mine exclude and shut me out cause I no longer fit their expectations.
Life always felt like I never belonged, and not of any significance to anyone especially from the person that mattered most.
Do these situations awaken my insecurities and bring them more to life. Changes how I see myself even more. Whirling in my mind are the words said by those so called friends that define, judge and misunderstand me as negative for falling apart. All from a change that altered me, left me lost, no longer the person they once met. Inevitable changes partaking and I resist knowing it’s the way of life. Yet child like behavior surfaces, leaving guilt and shame for the immaturity of feelings and thoughts that come flooding in. Looking on the outside in and not liking what I see each day, fighting myself. Each struggle chipping away at me. Left with a difficult nature to control and calm. Silent and deadly to the soul and it’s always getting the best of me leaving me questioning, doubting my existence. Trivial situations like these are logically pointless yet tips the balance between sanity and insanity.
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