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I dont feel real anymore and neither does the world. I'm scared all the time and I don't know if im dreaming or awake. I can't remember anything anymore and I'm consumed by feelings. My cat was put down a few days ago and I am consumed by grief and guilt that i let hjm down and could have done more. I already had strong depressed feelings before then. I'm going back to school in 2 weeks ish and I've done no homework so im worried about that. I wish I was the one who was sedated to not my cat and thinking about him makes me want to scream in agony or jump off a bridge from guilt. Everything is wrong right now. It's too bright, my vision is blurry. The lights are to glared. Or it's too dark, I can't see anything. It's too noisy, too loud . It hurts, it burns, it's like lighting fire to my lungs because I want to scream so bad and convey my emotional turmoil. But hey I'm just a 14 year old. I'm happy, right? Why ever would I be suicidal.
I go from feeling everything to feeling nothing.
Im one critique away from strangling somone or myself and I want to be locked up I feel so insane! Guys fucking get me out of here and let me bang my head into a wall until it's dented and maybe I'll feel better after that. I probably wouldn't, knowing me.
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cats
Yo, so like, I used to talk all the time about this machine that can determine all information, but like, I found a fuzzy friend I'll only call Mister Meow....
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I'm going mad...
Every time a man tells me to die alone with cats, I want to grab the nearest cat... break it's neck and nail its lifeless body to that man's front door....
See a doctor as soon as possible.
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