What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
If you are in crisis and need immediate help, please call 1-800-273-8255 (NSPL) or text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line). More resources.
To anyone who might read this,
I'm just a teenager from Northeast India, and right now, I'm in a dark place. I’m supposed to be preparing for the JEE IIT and retaking my board exams, but honestly, I don’t even know how I got here. I failed my board exams, and it feels like my whole world crumbled in an instant. I used to be a good student. I had dreams, big dreams—I was even studying aerospace alongside my B.Tech in CSE because I wanted to become an astronaut. But on March 13th, all of that was taken from me. My dreams shattered, and since that day, I’ve lost all hope and ambition.
Before all of this, I was already struggling at home. My relationship with my parents was falling apart. One day, my mom told me that no one deserved a child like me. That hurt so much, but I wasn’t even surprised. I’ve always felt like my dad doesn’t like me. He’s a retired army general, really strict, and when I was a kid, he used to hit me for things that didn’t make sense, like tearing the front page of a rough notebook. Those memories still haunt me, and now, in the present, I feel like I’m just… broken. I get angry over the smallest things. When I’m at my coaching center and a staff member says something, I lash out. At home, I avoid my dad as much as I can. We haven’t really talked in six months—just the bare minimum, like when we need something. Whenever he tries to speak to me or comes into my room while I’m studying or even just on my phone, I get this overwhelming frustration. I don’t know why. I just want to escape, to leave everything behind and go somewhere where no one knows me, somewhere I can start over. But these thoughts, these feelings, keep me trapped.
Recently, I got into a fight with the staff at my coaching center. It wasn’t my fault, but I know I could’ve handled it differently. But in that moment, I couldn’t think straight. What’s wrong with me? I’ve been suicidal. I’ve tried to end it all four times, and I failed at that too. I’ve cut myself and done things I’m not proud of. Now, I’m terrified of taking tests because I feel like I’ll just fail again.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel so lost, and I need help. Please, if anyone can help me find a way out of this darkness, I’m begging you—help me.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
pls i can not go scl
omfg when i tell u i hate school i mean it the ppl there are rude for what esp those girls who think they r it when there nottt like omd and im gonna be in a cl...
-
kill me
its my fault, just go let me die i have so much hope but im so broken i know now that she just has family issues, not the she whos still with me but the she who...
Hey, first of all, everything you're parents have said or done to you are NOT YOUR FAULT. None of it. No child deserves to hear stuff like this from their parents. You're not weird, you're just struggling a lot. I think your best bet would be going to a college somewhere far away from your parents, so that you don't have to see them. They're clearly not good for you, whatever their intentions may be. Is there any way for you to see a counselor? If not, it's totally understandable, but if you can please try talking to them. As for the exam preparation, I'm in the same boat as you and I know how stressful it can be. You're struggling, and you're still trying your best to study. It doesn't matter if you're not able to perform as perfectly as you like, because you're still trying. You deserve to be proud of yourself for that, okay? Try studying to the best of your ability, and try to get away from your parents is what I'm thinking. The best course of action would be to take a break and get into therapy, but it doesn't seem like an option for you. If you want to talk, there's people here to listen. Please take care of yourself, and stay safe. You can remember that there's atleast one stranger that's proud of you for trying🫂🫂 sending hugs.
ReplyHey! I am from South India and i totally understand how it feels when parents just say those words as if it is just a word from their mouth and wouldn't affect much! But we r the one's who get haunted by those words and end of the day we need to face them cuz in India there is no term of living away from the shadows of parents! Please try as much as possible to just ignore the words by not taking it to heart and to avoid them being that way by just doing what they say no matter being it right or wrong!!
And regarding studies! I've been in that phase too..I am currently in my 3rd yr of BTech CSE but sadly i tried really hard to take a university away from my parents but went invain :( So i am still facing these issues till day! Idk how i got through my board, tbh i tried hard! i was a good student, It started really hard to keep up in my 11th and 12th, and it came to a point where i almost fell into depression because all my friends are able to easily keep up, but my brain was detoriating as i go to higher studies and indian studies have a shittiest thing called "Shufflings system based on your rank" where i was sent to the lowest grade! That was the day was the most embaressed day in my whole life!! That day i made myself a promise that i will make myself get together and the next whole month i studied so well that for the next exam i was shifted to the top grade! So i am saying these all because as i was able to do it even when there was no light of hope because of a reason to just go on to get the hell out of that situation!! So please dont hurt yourself and just whenever there is an exam to come, just think of it in a way that "What is it i have to do to cross this and get away from it?" So just believe in yourself and keep going!
All the Best and hope you get through this phase and live a happy life atleast by getting away from the place where you r now for ur higher studies! Cuz ik cutting ties totally will not be ever possible and maybe not in our hands too! And to make this possible, you need to keep going :)
~Moonrise
Reply