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i'd love to get help, but i don't know where to start and i don't know if this problem is serious enough to talk to a therapist, so here I am, trying to identify the root of the cause and wants to be freed from it. I need help.
To begin with, this story embarrassed me so much it made me want to disappear for good, so i know what i did was embarrassing and I'm trying to sort of "heal" from it.
So couple of weeks ago I (M,26) went to see a couple of friends, one of them was performing music at the place. I was excited but I was pretty late to the gathering and was kinda in a hurry, and then my car door was pulled by gravity without my knowing, hit the car next to me (due to elevated medium where the car was parked). i checked, wipe it off with my hand and then I thought it was fine, just a scratch.
Until around an hour later, the staff announced that someone was looking for the person whose responsible for the damage, I never thought it was my car because there's no mentioning the plate number. But then it get specifics, t othe color, and then plate number. I don't remember my plate number so I checked, it was my car, it was my doing.
I froze, thinking should I come up to the victim and apologized?? should I just wait for them to go?? should I just go home?? my stupid ass chose to wait, because of the embarrassment I THINK I will face when I come up as the perpetrator. but the staff keeps calling me, I get anxious it made me go to the toilet 2 times, i keep hiding, from the victim. Another hour passed, the staff started asking around the table, the table next to us, then our table, the showed the pictures, it was indeed my car, but I kept hiding, another patrol asks around, and then it was quiet, people starting to leave.
Then another staff comes, but this was different, he comes with the victims, it was a couple, and checks again, making sure if the owner of the car is in the table (yes it was) then ask again, our eyes met, then she started talking to me. Then I was caught.
We chat for a while, she gets a little aggressive which I understand, they've waited long enough. then I was dragged out of our table, 2 tables away, I think my friend could overheard our conversations since everybody was gone. I kept throwing stupid excuses and avoid admitting it was my doing, like "I don't know, "It was not my car", "I was in a hurry", "I don't remember my plate number since it was borrowed", etc. In the end, I paid for the damages, I was embarrassed, sweaty palms and dry throat and regret.
I admit I was a coward for not admitting for what I did, but I want to change, do you think I could start somewhere?? thanks for reading, I'm sorry my friends if you had to see this, and the victims as well.
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