Depression of a civil servant

We thought we could help

We were supposed to help at the start we wanted to help most of us at least.

We were convinced to help the nation, we were told to join the nation building rather than just criticise the government. This was the time of Rodrigo Duterte.

So many of us did. We thought we could help. Plus Government work was advertised pretty well, saying there are lots of benefits and we can help our families and that the contractualization will soon end and everyone can be regular again. But years already passed by and we are still not regular workers

The system is corrupt to the bone. Salaries are delayed. You are supposed to buy your own items. Unlike in private companies, where computers, cellphones and other items to be used at work are provided. In government you use old computers and laptops, you are forced to buy one yourself. Many employees are drowning in debt.any run away from their debts either in coops or in private loans.

Because aside from delayed salaries, during field work you have to pay for your own travel expenses. If they give you a service, you have to pay for the meal and unexpected expenses of the driver such as the parking fee, toll fee and others. If you travel 4 or 5 times a week, it consumes more than what your salary can manage. They forgot that we have expenses too, for our personal lives.

And so when salaries are delayed and we have to work in the field, what do we do? We take out loans. Loans after loans, trapped in coop or god forbid this loan app, that are manipulative in nature. We resort to loan apps and coop because we can't apply for a bank account, we have no payslip, certificate of employment or any proof of income.

Other options is to loan from friends and families who have bank accounts and they become indebted for our sake. We were supposed to help our families with our salaries but we became pests always asking for a new loan.

Many of us have other jobs since it is not enough to cover our needs. Some sell foods, some are writers and other sell other items. Just to get by. I tried it too, But it seems that too isn't going to be enough.

As civil servants we are treated as slaves. Delayed salaries, forced to work beyond working hours and on weekends yet we have no overtime. We go to unsanitary places yet have health benefits or any form of insurance in case something happens to us. Many times we get sick. These are the environment that breeds corrupt officials. In order to survive they need to be corrupt.

For the country they said. This is how we deceive ourselves over and over. But are we working for the country? Most projects are just there to give more money to corrupt officials, our supposed travel allowances, our benefits and additional salaries, they took it all or moved to other expenses where they can earn money. This is the horrible cycle we have in our system, corruption breeds even more corruption.Either you join them or you remain among those taken advantage of.

When a project is successfully purchased or when a permit is done, they pocket the money. Most of the machines and facilities that we give do not work and they know it. The important thing is they get the money. Those whom we give these items to have to shoulder the problems of these machines and facilities. While us the non regular workers have to find a way to make it work, but it won't ever work and we are tired every single day to do work that is not even in our contracts.

Some of us already wrote to DOLE and 8888 but nothing happened. Just a little noise for a while and then we're back to where we are.

We have been abused. With all the debts and working two jobs yet it is not being enough. I can't help but have suicidal thoughts. I'm trying my best to look happy but every time but deep down when I see our bills, my parents and siblings have to take loans, I'm so broken that I cannot escape this system. This is not "drama" please don't call this pain "drama" as others have. We are being abused and worst many think they are in a better place.

If something does happen to me or I do something stupid. Please let it be known that we were abused by corrupt officials.

Corruption ruins lives and might even take mine.