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i'm not okay and I cant tell anyone around me the truth. I wanna kill myself but i know I wont. I just really hate myself. I struggle with easy tasks like cleaning my room or showering or waking up in time. I struggle in classes. My student debt is pilling and I might end up dropping out and then its all for nothing. I am a failure. thats who i've always been and that who ill always be. I'm also just so anxious about every interaction i have with people because I'm afraid I'm gonna dump my emotions all them and i don't wanna make it their problem. i end up bottling it up inside and it hurts. so I'm here dumping it out to no one essentially.
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sorry to hear that. I feel a bit similar. I gave up on university it made me so sick and I lost interest in what I was trying to do anyway. you can always go back though. I just want to sleep all the time now. what kind of stuff do you like?
ReplyI know I want to finish my degree bc eventually I want to help people who are struggling mentally and my degree goes towards that. its just hard right now and i dont have anyone i can really be honest with. Im considering taking a break though. What do you do now?
Replymy moodiness and depressed feelings seem to be a bit less now. I have to move next week so after that I will look for a new job. still feel so wrecked and dip in and out of feeling like I will give up in a few years. are you in the US?
ReplyHi my friend, I am sorry to hear that. Your feelings are all valid and I hope you are doing okay, like really well.
As a friend, my only advice is .. Look for glimmer.
Have you tried the power of gratitude, (I know you'll feel you're not in the situation where you can smile and see bright things) just TRY. Like example, The sky is beautiful, the grass are green. I love the smell of coffee, I'm grateful I'm alive.
And try the power of prayer. I pray that your feeling right now will be replaced by gratitude, I pray that your debt will soon be paid and your anxiousness will soon disapear.
Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
1 Peter 5:7
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