It comes and goes... (I think im finally healing)

When youre on that healing phase of life, the moments of vulnerability come and go in waves. The moments of all consuming doubts recedes almost as fast as they came.

This month... GAHHHH SEPTEMBER. I have a lot of memories from this month, memories that turned sour as the ppl left...

Ever since i turned a teenager, birthday month always meant a lil accompanied unexplainable sadness, THEN, came you... for a SMALL time, i started looking forward to it again, ACTUALLY NO. before you came, i started to look forward to it, THEN came you. made it a point in my timeline that forever became a reference point.

(PS: Dont ask someone to be your partner on birthdays. It becomes a permanent point of comparison)

After you left me high and dry at my worst (and i mean family wise and the way he made me forget who i am after i poured completely into his glass until i was empty), it took me ONLY forever to gain back my sense of self, my state of being, my moments of GENUINE joy

SO... 3 years later, its that dang month again, and for the first time in forever, its not weighing me down like a burden..

Dont get me wrong, the memories are waxing and waning in my mind more than the other months, BUT, you are not gonna be the bane of my life anymore, This year, i dont care about ALL those memories, I am getting back my joy, I WANT TO AND WILL, let September just be, September, and my Birthday is JUST my birthday, no more would be anniversaries and whatever...

(SEEEE, this post started out with the aim to be about how i have this unexplained sadness, but it passed by again)

Regardless, if you have any more tips on making sure i dont have this thoughts and can heal better, lemme know :P