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I told my close friend I can't make him happy with the state that I'm in. That I can't reciprocate his feelings, or the things he does for me because I'm still healing from things that happened in the past. Instead of giving me some space he double downs on his affection for me and tries to stay by my side a lot I assume in an attempt to show that he doesn't care that I can't make him happy, because he's happy with the way that I am regardless?
It makes me feel guilty when he cares so much about me and treats me like this because I can't return the same things he does. I've tried.. I tried seeing him in that light, and the thing is, it's not that I can't see him that way but it's simply that I don't want to go through this whole ordeal of opening yourself up to someone and liking them and depending on them and getting so invested in them. I've been hurt too deeply to go through that so soon again (it hasn't been a year since my last breakup).
What bothers me is that I don't hate or find it gross it when he treats me so endearingly, which is why I'm confused whether I like him back or not? I am quite fond of him.. but is it in a platonic way? romantic way? When I think about all of this it stresses me out and I start recalling traumatic events from the past and it just puts me in a dark place.
I want to ask for space, but I feel bad. I seem to be the rock he can lean on, he doesn't have much close friends (2 last time I asked) and it doesn't help that he's also su*c*del. We're only friends after all, but he treats me like I'm his gf, and it bothers me because I'm not. I'm not his gf and I've stated that clearly to him the other day. I don't mind him depending on me for things but I guess maybe I'm also at fault for allowing him to depend on me too much, to a point that maybe he just feels too comfortable to seek a wider support system?
I don't really know what to do. I've already told him my boundaries and how my headspace is right now but I feel like it didn't really change anything..
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It looks like he feels comfortable with things the way they are and is selfishly ignoring what you say because it is convenient for him to do so. Perhaps you should cut him loose for a while so that he can get used to being without you and not to depend on you at all, and to stand on his own two feet. You aren't his mother so he shouldn't have to lean on you at all. Tell him that if he doesn't take your wishes seriously you will have to cut him off completely at least for a while because you can't keep carrying him like this. He needs to be independent of you as you do of him. Best of luck with this.
ReplyYou were open one honest.
He must respect your boundaries.
We are all responsible for ourselves...
If your focused on healing & you don't feel ready who is anyone to tell you different?
& anyone trying to change that is wrong.
Sounds like he too should focus on himself & heal from his traumas.
No good relationship comes from unhealed souls.
Stand your ground.
You deserve to HEAL FULLY.
IF HE TRULY CARES He will learn to be the best version of himself for you!
The best of luck
💜X
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