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I love you and I’m sorry I pushed you away. I’m sorry literally everyday. I wasn’t ready. I love you. I know it now. I knew it then too but I couldn’t admit it to myself. I was so scared. I was ashamed. I’m so sorry. I remember how soft your eyes looked when you asked if it was okay to kiss me. It was always going to be okay with you. I knew you’d always keep me safe and be gentle and kind. You always were. I remember the first time you held my hand so I’d know I would be okay. You never turned away when I needed you. You were so delicate in my arms after taking so long to open up and I hurt you. I pushed the hair away from your big doe eyes and still hurt you. You told me your secrets and you knew all of mine. I could barely keep a secret from you, I couldn’t lie to you. But I did keep it a secret that I wanted to be with you too. I hope you know I loved you. I tried so hard to be good and I didn’t try hard enough because I lost you anyways. You were so important to me and I wouldn’t blame you if you never spoke to me again. You were always so sweet. You went out of your way to protect me and no one had ever done that for me before. You were a true friend. I fell in love with you and I lost you. I lost one of the only people to really matter to me. It hasn’t been the same. I wish I could go back and hear you say my name again. I miss you. It’s so selfish but I hope you think of me too. I hope you come back. I wish you’d yell at me, just to hear you again. You never yelled. I miss when we’d walk around together and talk for hours. I wonder where you are now. I wanted to follow you everywhere like a dog when you put a hand through my hair. I dreamt the other day that you were in my kitchen and I made you laugh again. I’m so sorry if I ever made you cry.
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