Late Night Thoughts

With blurry eyes I think, "Why am I tearing up?"

Exactly why? I want to know, why do I feel this way? Why do I feel numb, bored, unsatisfied, sad? Out of everyone, I should know myself best. But I don't. I don't know. I'm not sure if I'll ever know, but it's worth a try. It's worth a google search, worth wondering about, worth making a goal- moving towards said goal.

One moment I can be hopeful, and the other, completely lost. I can think that I have recovered, or took a few steps forward from my depression, from out of my cage. But yet, I turn back around only to realize that I am still so similar to who I used to be two years ago, could I even call myself "different"?

I want to be so much yet so little, both at the same time. Feeling underwhelmed and overwhelmed at once. Maybe this is what everyone feels at some point or another, but nonetheless, it feels unbearable.

When I want to write, my pencil doesn't scratch the paper, my mind feels empty... "So what?" A voice in my head interrupts. "Just what makes YOU special from the others?" I can't help but pause.

It's right.

What makes me special?

Do we even HAVE to be special to be noticed? To be loved? Given attention, affection? Do we even have to be anything at all?

There are many things I don't know, and will never know, but one thing that I know is that I, people, are never the same. No matter how little we accomplish, no matter how little we feel, we are human and forever changing.

What may have started as a sad melody, will turn comforting and soon, maybe even happy. Keep going, change your melody to what you want it to be. Change your life for the better.