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That moment of extreme happiness that only lasts a short time. The entirety of the universe waving back at you, and validating your whole being. How come the good things in life last very little? Is it because we are eventually going to die? Then extending life is only substantial to become God. That might be the importance of sleeping, or dying for that matter; because if we extend awareness to the limit, we might become a supreme being. But what is life? I am beyond grateful for existence, because it's truly miraculous that we exist. And you know what? Some people choose to believe in a God or gods, and that's perfectly valid if you want... because there's certainly no limits for existing and having beliefs, and those two things tie together because when you do realize that things existing is extremely uncanny, you just kinda have to become an "unbeliever" and not in the sense of not believing something... but in the sense of putting yourself in doubt and what you previously thought to be the case... replacing it with the ever-skeptical point of view due to the fact that it is indeed remarkable that you and I exist at all. However, look at this rant sorta like all over the place... I started talking about happiness and the extreme feeling of interconnectedness with the whole world that we might feel sometimes. To me, existence will always be a topic of complete awe, but I am fully responsible for the fact that I talk meaningfully now but other times I wouldn't have that degree of profoundness. I've been seeing life and everything like it all wants to live, and that's why there's anything at all... because things just don't like to stay quiet; things would rather reach out into existence, or speak out into existence. What if existence itself is a game of aging? What if everything gets old? And what if time was just that? Like everything does nothing but get old... but wouldn't that require that things, sorta, existed or lived in the first place? So what if there was a singularity for all things, where it all converges into one singular spot? I honestly feel like I'm trying to figure out existence as I speak right now... so if you don't mind me, please bear with me. So everything eventually ages and fades out... but at the same time, in order for things to age, they must exist or live; so is it all an endless process? Or is it all just a conceptualization? Maybe we tend to forget about living more often than not... There's certainly more than life than knowledge; there's touch and experience. I was always a person who liked theorizing in my head, but that didn't really lead me anywhere. I know there's in fact a lot to life, and nobody would look at what I'm saying and think there's anything to be taken from it. Hopefully, you can relate to any of this. First and foremost, there's no reason to believe that people would care about my writings, but I'm somewhat shameful to the idea that some people or the whole world might be reading this and thinking I'm just a nerd who expresses deep philosophical things, but never actually live like people who are actually out there right now being invested into a relationship. I'm sorry, I don't even know what I'm saying. Please don't judge me, I just made this to purge my feelings of sometimes feeling extremely happy but then subsequently it just crumbles on me and I start fumbling and it's so annoying... like I'm just weary to the fact that I'm going to die one day, and my life wouldn't have had any worth whatsoever... but it must have, at least something; because then why would I exist at all? How could anybody gaze into existence and not be completely and utterly fascinated by it? To me, things existing has always been a complete and remarkable reason to think that I'm fully validated to be myself and always fall reassured that I'm perfect just the way I am... no matter what I do. It doesn't matter if I drown, if I become the worst person ever, if I kiss someone, if I fly a kite, because whatever I do I'm just instantly validated by the fact that it's absolutely incredible that I exist at all... and everything would eventually fall in place and make sense. That's not to say that I can go ahead and do terrible things, but nonetheless to me it's enough to exist. Nobody has to read this... I don't know if anybody will, but I hope so. I kneel before the fact that things exist at all, and I wonder about the ways of how things are. Hopefully I made sense, I'm doing this because writing is important for me.
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