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I am an eighteen year old teenager that failed to get into med school while being qualified. The past year I had worked really hard and during the final exams, due to high level anxiety ,I made some unnecessary mistakes that cost me the university that I wanted.
However, I got into a dentistry school that is located at another city, which is almost an hour away from my house and since it is the capital city of my country it is way bigger than the area I used to live. After being persuaded by my father , I decided to move there alone and prepare again for the exams in order to get into med school the next year. The thing is that I was intending to attend the dentistry classes simultaneously ,which I realised that I cannot do. My university is at the other edge of the city (an hour away, as is my home) and I have to use tons of means of transport that I am not familiar with. I have to suddenly learn how to cook, do household chores, go to the supermarket and be on my own without knowing anyone there.
Some of my classes start at eight o clock, so I have to wake up at least at 6:30 and some other days the last lecture ends at 17:00. I come home exhausted and I have to cook lunch, but I can't.
Also I have to study both for med school and for university and at night I have extra preparation classes (for med school) . Most of my teachers there are great (apart from one ) , but so were my previous ones. Everyone is congratulating me for deciding to do both , but I am not sure if I will be able to manage all those things. I do not want to let everyone down, as I did when I failed to become a doctor...
I am not even sure anymore if I truly want to become a doctor.. I feel way too traumatized by everything related to this experience. I want to go back home with my friends and family and study again without attending all these classes.. The new teachers though seem great, and I find their help valuable..
I do not know if I can make it...It is my first week and I am on the verge of leaving.. I have ended up writing all of these things here, on this website.
I feel comfortable thinking that I can express all these feelings without disapointing someone.
Med school seemed a good option for me as a person, but I do not want to become a doctor.. The main reason that I picked that career was to make my father proud. I always wanted to become a physicist, but deep down I knew that it was possible to not make it and end up as a high school teacher..so I chose medicine. .. Being a scientist who is also getting paying..
Now I can't even do this . A dentist. My dream of studying physics won't come true , but I could at least become a doctor.
The realisation that even if I go to med school next year , my whole life I am going to be a doctor is frightening me.
I could have chosen to become an architect or a civil engineer, sinced I ve always prefered math and physics ( I actually hated biology). Yesterday I felt so sure about becoming a doctor, but today I have tons of doubts.. At least I still consider studying medicine more suitable for me in comparison with dentistry.
Also , I have a sense that the other students at university won't help me focus on my preparation studies , since they are all over this period. I see some of them going out , having plenty of time for themselves and I just can't be with them. I do not have time to have a proper bath. My quality of life is gradually degrading..
Maybe it is just the start and I will get used to it .. If only there was someone at the same cith that could actually support me. I need someone with me , to say some things, I cannot find comfort at a platform.. Even though I have friends and family that care about me , they are not physically here and it is not the same. At the end of the day , I am all alone and exhausted questioning everything.
The only people that I know here (apart from uni students) are some of my old classmates, but we never actually talked, so it would be awkward to just call them. Sometimes I am hoping to see them at a random street, but the odds for this to happen are rather low. I am desperate.
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Hi there, I totally relate to your situation because I went through a very similar thing. I think you should give it a try for 1 semester/quarter since your tuition probably covers that much. But if you don't find a stable routine by then, or if you find yourself still doubting your academic path, there's no shame in switching to another career or even dropping out for a while to figure out what you want.
It's crazy that the decisions we make at age 17/18 are what will determine the rest of our lives. That's ridiculous.
When I was 18 I went to engineering school, like you to please my dad. It was hundreds of miles from home but I lived at the dorm and made some good friends, so living wasn't a problem. The HUGE problem was that I hated engineering. I secretly wanted to be an artist but my parents would never have approved. So I figured engineering can sorta be like art... blueprints and schematics and all that? Wrong. I hated it.
Long story short I went 3 years before I couldn't take another day, and I dropped out. My parents were surprisingly supportive. Turns out they noticed how miserable I was. So I dropped out and took various restaurant jobs to support myself while getting back to art. Today I'm making a small living at it, enough to survive, but the point is I'm much happier. When I think of those 3 years of misery I get sad.
Like I said, it's crazy to think we have our entire life planned out at age 18. Especially when our parents dictate most of what we end up doing. So don't be afraid to take a step back, maybe even go home and explain to your parents. They may surprise you by being supportive like mine were.
If you don't find your groove in the next few weeks or months, don't hesitate to change the plan. Good luck to you!
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