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tired of trying
8 years ago · 1
662
Does it even matter what we think or decide to do in our lives? Ultimately it is fate who's got our strings in its control. Why do i even try? Why should i even dream or hope that anything, just anything will work my way. When did i start being so desperate, so depressed, so full of dullness. Am i just another depressed person or do i have some thing more to it? Is this all self induced or is it because of one person i want to blame it all on. How do i know what is right? I have been trying and trying, writing all kinds of exams, spending the money my dad doesn't even afford to pay. And still i feel empty and betrayed. It seems like success or whatever we call it, is playing hide and seek with me and it's been ages that I've been searching for it. Maybe it has quit the game long time and maybe i'm still hoping to find it without knowing that it has gone and is never coming back. Failure hurts more when you felt confident about winning. But repeated failure hurts in an all different level. It has the power to make you doubt if you are even worth it. And it is dangerous. It makes you skeptical about everything you have ever achieved. You start thinking if it was my ability or mere chance or luck. Right now this is exactly what i am thinking. Does it matter you were a brilliant student at school? Does it matter your teachers and friends had great expectations from you? Does it matter that you felt you were different and special? NOW, i don't know! I'm starting to believe i was living a lie. I am starting to accept i'm not worth success......
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