To my distant love, whom I held close to my heart

“Is it better to speak or to die ?”

Thinking of the million ways this could go wrong. To speak is to explain how everything took place. To explain how it made you feel and still, there is the risk of misunderstanding. Not being understood feels as if you are speaking to a brick wall, explaining how it’s not your fault you fell for the one person you cannot have.

The mere thought of confessing sickens my heart in ways unexplainable, indescribable, it forms a lump in my throat that I just cannot seem to get rid of. A lump which suffocates my every attempt of breathing. My body stiffens at the mention of your name. It weakens at the thought of you not loving me back, at the idea of a life without knowing you.

Is it better to tell you these complex feelings and risk rejection, or to bury myself with the words which I yearned to reach you through?