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There's this book, Girl in Pieces by Kathleen Glasgow, that i read a number of years ago. The main character struggles with self harm (among many other things, but thats the biggest and my point here) and I found the book at a time when I was knee deep in my own self harm addiction. I love the book, it's one of my all time favorites, and I felt very seen when I read it, especially being a early teen if I'm remembering the timing correctly. But it also kind of made me spiral a bit, which honestly I think partially shows how well it was written. I have it completely tabbed and annotated but I've only ever reread it once because of how heavy the subject is.
Well now I'm out of my self harm addiction for the most part, except I've moved onto alcohol. It started as a harm reduction type thing, thinking that maybe if I have a couple drinks instead of physically marring my body, that might be just slightly better. But then it got out of hand over the years, and it probably doesn't help that I was 13 when I first tried liquor. It wasn't a problem at that age by any means, but I don't think starting so young worked in my favor.
And now, semi-ironically, Kathleen released a new book, The Glass Girl, which focuses on a 15 year old girl struggling with alcohol abuse. And it doesn't help that quite a few of the other problems the main character has, notably recently divorced parents, also lines up with my situation now. So of course I bought the book, and I've already read it, and it's the same as Girl in Pieces. It's comforting but also scary to see so much of myself in it. Both books found me at a different time but when they did, I had the same problem.
Something about the book that I find particularly 'scary' is that the main character, Bella, refuses to admit she has a problem, or even worse, that she's an alcoholic. Even for awhile into rehab, she will not admit it to anyone, including herself. And I'm scared that that's me. I'm scared that maybe I do have a problem but I don't want to say it out loud. Especially since my dad is an alcoholic, I've seen what it does to people, I've seen it when it gets bad and has been in the works for decades, and how could I ever let myself start on that track?
I also find it slightly funny that, at one point in the book, before Bella goes to rehab, she is drunk and trying to be quite as she sneaks back into the room she shares with her little sister, and hits her chin on a ladder as she is trying to climb into her top bunk and stumbles. Two days later, I am home alone, drunk, and I hit my chin on something. I could not tell you what, I do not remember how it happened. All I know is that there is an angry red mark and a small consistent throbbing pain. Luckily it wasn't too bad, the mark isn't too noticeable, the red blends in a bit and its completely on the underside of my chin. But I think it's a bit ironic that I already enough to relate to in the book, then I finish it and immediately make a similar mistake as Bella.
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