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You know you're in love when your crush softens. When instead of getting nervous and butterflies when they walk in the room, you feel happy and at ease. They say when you know, you know. It's true.
Today I found out I was really truly in love.
I went to her house with a bunch of our friends. we were scrolling together, leaning on each other, laughing. And for the first time, my heart wasn't racing.
Then a really funny one came up. we were laughing so hard we were crying. we were leaning on each other and sliding down in our seats and laughing and laughing and laughing. i got tears in her hair, she got tears on my sock. It was perfect.
Whenever I get stressed, my stomach hurts. I get stressed really easily too, so its normal for me to be at like a 2-3 pain level for the entire school day. Seeing her used to make me nervous and give me a stomachache. Then, the stomachache would only come after, when i started overthinking everything i said to her. Today? no pain. not even the normal amount that usually comes with a social interaction. she took away my pain. took away my overthinking. took everything that hurt and healed it. just by being herself.
And she's so beautiful. So very very beautiful, inside and out. she's just such a wholesome, thoughtful, wonderful person. she's so refreshing to be around. and i always thought my eyes were boring, they're a dark grayish blue, but then i met her, and her eyes are a really similar color to mine, and i fell in love with those eyes, and now i look in the mirror and love one more piece of myself. so, yeah, maybe some people come into your life to teach you a lesson, but it isn't always a sad one. i've learned so much about love from her. how it hurts, how it heals. how it's the most complicated and yet simplest thing in the world.
and she has no idea
and i'm scared.
scared that i'll tell her and i'll lose a piece of her. scared that she'll think the word crush replaces the word friend. it really doesn't. yeah, i like her romantically. but i also like her platonically. like yes if she wanted something more id be so down, but being her friend is so so amazing that risking that for anything seems like a terrible idea.
idk what to do. there have been a few moments where i thought...maybe? especially recently. i keep telling myself, its not worth it, its not worth it. but man, if SHE liked ME????
i would feel complete.
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