Thoughts From A Lost Black Sheep

You never really know about yourself until you’ve been through something that’s life changing. For years I’ve always felt that I’m the black sheep of wherever I’m at. I’ve always felt like I wasn’t good enough for anything or anyone. I’ve been afraid to speak up and say how I feel because I don’t want to say the wrong things . I don’t want to be judged. So I stay reserved. At times I’ve felt unloved. Most people are scared of change, but me, I’m only scared of how it would affect me and the people around me. Would I still be the same person? Will I finally be accepted and loved just the way I am? Will I get the respect I deserve? So many of these thoughts penetrate my mind everyday since the beginning of time. It causes stress, depression, anxiety, mood swings, and intrusive thoughts. And feeling like this causes me to give up on changing myself for the better. If nobody didn’t accept me for me and my flaws. How in the hell would I get accepted during the changes. I want to lose weight, become healthier, become more active, better my mental health, figure out financial freedom, continue to be a great mother to my 2 year old child, all while trying to also please others and finally feel ACCEPTED. I’m tired of feeling like a black cloud is following me. No matter how hard I try to ignore it.