I'm lost

I'm a medical school student in 4th year, I have 3 years left to graduate so I'm halfway through. I was very ambitious regarding it and since I aced everything in school I thought it would be the same with med school. I set up high goals to achieve. After I entered 2nd year of med school. Everything begun to fall apart. I felt that I was just pushing through without any hope, got two C grades in both 2nd year and 3rd year which are supposed to be the hardest years since it is preclinical and I thought when I get to the clinical part. It would be much better, now I see the difference only in the time schedule. But I can't study anymore since I don't feel like it, and I don't feel like continuing this journey but I'm trying to fix it. I consulted a physician but he was a resident who has a board exam at the end of the month. He told me to wait for 31th of October.

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So I'm waiting for the appointment to go and fix everything but the problem is, I feel it is not that I'm only academically drained. But I feel the traumas that have been stacking up with me since childhood began to take the toll on me now. Few monthes ago I was a hopeless guy who just wanted to end it all but I would never escape in this way. I have those urges and feelings too, but I would never do it to escape life as I feel it's just cowardice. But I don't know how to face my problems. I feel like I want to live my life another way, not just studying in med school even after I graduate. But at the same time I feel I do not want to quit since it is an excellent career. I know all the problems that happened and led me to be hopeless and depressed. But I think everything got mixed up and I'm feeling lost. Not knowing what have became of me now, and how to fix it. I do not want to become a burden on my family and friends when I'm alive. And when I am gone. I just wanted to live by...

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Having fun with what I used to do. Hanging out and playing video games and chasing my hobbies. Now I feel no taste in these stuff like I used to do. Nor do I feel hope or enjoyment towards medschool.

In the end I think I would manage and breakthrough