Word vomit about relationship... 😵‍💫

Cried today because my boyfriend wanted to have sex but I didn't want to because I was too scared but I didn't tell him until I couldn't take it anymore and I was shaking and crying for like 2 hours after. Now I just feel really bad even though he said it was okay and that we didn't have to do anything else like that anymore. He apologized profusely and said he could be patient and told me to tell him if he ever overwhelms me and I said I just don't want to..... yk. Because I feel like we're too young (not crazy young dw) and Im just not ready for that. I feel like neither of us know what we're doing even though he's had girlfriends before... idk he probably did that stuff with them but I am not that kinda girl 💀

I get really anxious normally whenever he touches me or says suggestive things but I don't know if it's normal or not because I'm really shy anyway and this is all new to me. I've never had a boyfriend before so I don't know how to react to these kinds of things. I'm adjusting but like.... aadjsjsksk it's a lot for me and I'm just stressed because I don't want to hurt his feelings or anything but I'm just not a touchy person in general. That being said tho I am getting more comfortable just slowly..

I feel icky and vunerable rn I don't like it