i eat the skin of my foot

this is a scary and gross confession. i can't seem to stop, i don't know why. i use this sharp knife met for tiny intricate origami cuts, for the detailed ones, and i plunged it through a very thin layer of the bottom of my heal and rip it off like its a chip.

i've been doing this since i've moved houses. it's become a strange habit i developed since march of this year. it doesn't taste gross, it tastes like what skin tastes like, like the skin around my fingers (which i still bite when im stressed)

this addiction to eating the skin of my heel was developed through stress as well, especially for school. I stopped eating the skin for about a month of three weeks, but now that my AP written test is tomorrow, i can't help but pick up the tiny knife and begin to eat the layers.

it hurts. depends how much i do it. it doesn't make me feel any less hungry at 1 am, it just makes me feel gross. but its like im drowning in my own grossness, groggy, messy desk, unwashed clothes, and my skin beginning to rip apart again (when i worked so hard in maintaining it so i can continue being active without feet hurting).

maybe i should go to God again, that's definitely the only and right way. How can God still love me when i'm such a disgusting mess?