Not Even A Sidekick

Why on God's green Earth am I always the throwaway friend? Why am I always invited to parties;people begging me to come only to ignore me? It would be different if I didn't talk or start conversations but what am I doing wrong? It's even more confusing because I work with these people. You laugh and chat about how much we should hang out but the second we do,I'm trash to you? And you're upset because I choose to leave the party early? You don't want to talk to me. Not even in a group setting! This has been happening since grade school. I'm always the accessory,the placeholder.

I honestly believe people are born unlucky. As the years go by,it really feels like a fact of life. Some days I'm okay with this but today just hit me really hard. Sometimes I want to pull these "friends" aside and ask what they really want from me. They literally hug me and want to buy things for me one day and then abandon me at some stranger's house the next day.

But maybe I'm not unlucky. Maybe its my fault for choosing the people I hang out with. My friends and acquaintances faces have changed over the years but the personalities ARE all the same. They are all opposite of me and I thought that was the best kind of people to surround yourself with. People who have what you lack. But that formula is obviously not working.

So do I find people like me? Stick to "my own kind"? They rarely leave the house. I understand why some people shut themselves off. Focus on a dream or their job. As I enter my late 20s,I'm starting not to care for people much. I really don't want to anymore.