What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
I never realized how alone I was until this year. I’m sitting in a building after hours looking at the empty silver chairs and tables before me. I’m completely alone except for the occasional passerby who silently exits through the swinging gray doors. During this time last year, I would be smiling and eating dinner with a friend while discussing our day. A couple of weeks ago, I would have missed that, but not today. Today I recognize how poisonous she was to me and how little I felt beside her. And even then, even after coming to terms with those feelings, I couldn’t leave because I couldn’t stand the idea of being alone. I couldn’t stand the idea of just being with myself. How could I love myself when clearly no one else did? But today I am alone. I’m alone and I’m okay with that.
I recognize improvement must be done, that I need to be a better person. I know I have to work towards defeating the wall of social anxiety that plagues my vocal cords. I know I should speak to people without formulating an escape plan five seconds after it starts. I know I must find a way to reconnect and pronounce my existence to the world. But…I’m not there yet. Right now, I’m just swimming through a world of empty of conversations and unfamiliar faces. Right now, I’m trying to find who I am and if I exist without the immediate human connection I was extremely dependent not so long ago. Right now, I want to know who I am when I’m not bound to another person. Right now, I see that I’m weak, introverted, and nervous with every word I speak, but even so, I also know there’s profound beauty in every waking moment of my being. I know strength is attained, not given. I may be weak today but I'll be stronger tomorrow.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
God Bless
I don't know what to do anymore. It's like I have exhausted so many options, it's driving me insane. Is anyone willing to give a little to a good cause? Even if...
-
Out of the crowd
I'm starting to feel like an outcast to those around me, I try to sound smart but end up being so shaken with anxiety that I can't express with words what's flo...
You will be stronger. Keep working on you, for you!
ReplyI have been alone and loved it and was perfectly okay with it.
But I also know you can be and find yourself with someone too.
If you cannot be yourself or feel you are making your life all about them then yes you need to be okay with yourself first.
I was with someone who did not except me but wanted his version of me. Though the changes he wanted me to make were good things he wanted me to make overnight and so I felt like I was disappointing him. I want to make changes for myself not to please another.
Reply