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I am very sad and shaken. People take advantage on me. I have no close friend in this country where I want to stay. None of my family member is living here. They are all so far away from me. I do not need very close buddy but I am really desperate of having someone I trust, who will like me. I cannot trust people easily since I have trusted people who in fact took advantage on me in the past. They could be peers and people older than me. That feeling of being betrayed hurts a lot and I never want to experience it again.
I know I am weak and lack confidence, but it is these experiences which shaped my character. I am definitely that type of person who look tough outside, which scares certain kind people away, but is fragile deep inside the heart. It is extremely difficult to get along with peers and I hate to know that most of the time I am not the first person they want to hang out with. I am very worry if even the leaders, I mean those who carry powers, dislike me, my weak soul will be helpless. I somehow am not a self-motivated person, which make things tougher, as sometimes even I cannot help myself to escape from the darkness which is created by some people besides me.
What I can do is to hide in the corner, scrolling the internet, posting things on social media to show those people that I am not feeling that bad and even I am better than what they think, and daydreaming about my imaginable buddies. I understand those things are probably fake, but that is the way which prevents me from crying uncontrollably for my sadness, prevent me from having a pair of big red eyes the next day and getting questioned or teased by others. I am very stressed. Not being good at socialising or entertaining people is not a sin, at least I am not those types of evil who mock the humbles, get addicted to cigarette or alcohol, intentionally bully others for fun or done things which extremely fall beyond the moral standard. I am just not talkative, why do I deserve being treated like this?
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