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You know... I've dealt with a lot of death in my almost 26 years, it's never easy. Each time I lose someone they take a piece of my heart with them....
But this time is different, this time my heart feels like it's been torn from my chest and stomped on.
We weren't even close anymore, I told him not to talk to me again until he was off the drugs.... that day never came...
I was so harsh with my words, this was over a year ago, I know what I said then didn't make him do this, but then I can't help but wonder if it did...
He knew we loved him, he knew we would help him, any of us would have helped him if he'd have asked.
I should have done something all those years ago when he said he wouldn't make it to 30, when he admitted he'd kill himself before he ever got there... but he was drunk and laughing while he said it, how was I to know this was a reality?! I should have done something, but I didn't. And now just after his 29th birthday he was found hanging, alone, cold, dead.
We grew up together, we were both the oldest kids in our immediate families, we bonded over that... and now I only have memories. I feel so guilty so hurt. How could you just leave like that, no explanation, nothing. Why would you do that to us. You knew this would hurt. I know you knew. Why did you DO THIS.
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That's messed up. But you have to know It was your fault for taking him lightly. You never listened. He tried to tell you. But you made it impossible. You always judged him and criticised the hell out of him. He had no one. He was alone. He's in a better place now.
ReplyYou're not entirely wrong, but I do think that in a situation like this it is hard to believe what the person is saying. It's hard to accept the fact that they don't want to go on living just because it hurts us so much to hear that someone we love is so unhappy. The anon writer cannot blame themselves for this, they don't have to live with this guilt because it was not their fault.
ReplyWtf Cruel truth? It's not your fault. It is nobody's fault but the world. What could you have done? Anybody that has dealt with depression knows that once your mind has been made up, there is no stopping you. Don't blame yourself or him for this.
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