I'm numb

I just wasn't to sleep forever. I'm mentally tired of being awake and doing nothing. I worry, I envoy, I feel hopeless and I can't stop thinking about anything. My ex who I'm still friends with and I know we would get back together if he wasn't moving across the country is my main problem. I love him and he loves me but we can't seem to admit it to ourselves or each other. We talk like old friends and never fight. It was perfect but he got scared and pulled the rip cord. Only now realizing how he felt. Another problem is my alcoholic dad. He drinks daily. Rum, beer what ever he can get. He yells all the time. He's threatened me. It's stressful, especially living with him. There is no other place to go. My mom is oblivious to it. Even if I reach out to her she does nothing. My brother suffers with me. Getting yelled at, called names and talked down to. I don't want to keep fighting. I've pretty much given up. I don't see hope and I want something bad to happen to me, so I don't have to go through all of this. It feels impossible and pointless to live through all of this.