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When I'm near other people I put a fake smile on my face just to tell them I'm alright but by the time I leave and end up by myself, in my room I break down right there i sometimes cut but I mostly draw my feeling or write them down in my private journal I tried to talk to others about my problem but most people won't listen to me. I feel like i'm invisible to everyone I meet or encounter. When u think about I don't think I have a place I know Jesus put me here for a purpose and I'm going to carry out that mission. But when I at least try to smile people ask if I'm okay than right when I'm about to answer they turn around and continue talking to their friends. I thought that if I could find someone to help me with my problems everything would be fine. Boy was I wrong, When i finally told my nana and papa about the situation I'm in they don't do anything about but talk they don't comfort me. I wonder sometimes should life be better without someone like me should i just move in with my mommy. well like my only true friends are actually my head it whispers many things that sometimes make me feel better but when i start to feel better i start hurting again. I stopped telling my nana and papa my problems because they already have enough problems than they already have. More it happens no one listens I feel like my mind is splitting and screaming I cant focus on one thing anymore the more i think the more i get hurt the more friends the more betrayal. I feel like i'm the only one people don't understand or think i'm just crazy but thats what i'm like I may be crazy but I'm my own person I don't the fact I'm lonely even though you ignore me I may show my emotions sometime but that doesn't mean i'm any different from the people who are like me all lot of people are like me they have deep depression just like me. I just can't but feel like i'm taring up the peoples life that i love and adore all I do is mess things up for them. I'm just a lonely soul who hasn't found herself yet so why do u got to make a big deal out of that i may be crying while i write this i think about others but do u care no all you do is care for yourself, well maybe some of you. I try my hardest just to get my daddy to come to one of my practice but no he'd rather go to his friends house instead of his daughters game, my mama isn't going to go either because she lives in Florida. I may be a living nightmare compared to my friends who at least have a happy life. But i am human to just like you but they think just because they are a higher status than the rest of us they can do whatever. I feel broken i feel stressed i feel like i should crawl into a hole and die right here and now but i Have a life i want to finish out. but i can't stand this i have a life no one would want but guess what i love my life but i hate depression. My mama doesn't even know yet she says she loves me well i don't believe it one sec. I feel like i've been lied to by everyone I know. I guess that's what life is like nowadays.
but just because i'm different doesn't mean i don't have feelings.
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