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My friends at school don't know anything, but I care a lot about my online friends... more and more of them start ignoring me... my life has started to fall apart after we moved last year... My parent's got divorced and mom got a new boyfriend, which used to hit his ex-wife. Mom doesn't believe dad or the police when they tell her this over and over again... she wants me and my sister to come with her to him on the weekends when she has us. I don't want to do this, but I'm such a coward in real life that I don't dare to talk about this face to face with anyone, which is why my online friends know more about me than my real life friends.
I keep to myself with all this normally... about all this... I cry while texting, without telling them I'm texting with... I just cried for over ten minutes and trying to fight against it... Dad sits in the living room with my sister and thinks I'm happy right now and he absolutely does not know that I cried for a while...
I said that the reason I went to my room is that I wanted it to be silent... but I just didn't want him to see me break down and cry like a five-year-old...
I have done like this for over a year now... even since I changed schools and lost connection with my friends and my boyfriend broke up with me...
But keeping to myself, in particular, is not new... I have done that n a few years now... between four and six years maybe... If anyone reads this part, they'll think I'm crazy because I see things... those I have told just thinks that I'm hallucinating... I do not hallucinate... if I do then I have done it since I was a little kid at least... I've heard voices, seen people, seen shadows, heard steps, seen things move on their own, feeling someone breathe cold air on me... I have had weird experiences with this... and I don't think it's going to get better... I think it'll get worse and worse...
My dad just came inside and I had to hide this... I don't want him to know... I could barely keep the tears in when I lied to him and said that I'm fine and that it was nothing... I may seem weak and easily hurt and have a lot of emotions... it may seem like I can't keep a secret, but there are things no one knows... no one on this app will know who I am, but I will never tell anyone or write it down anywhere... not all my secrets...
I keep a smile on the day, and I can be happy. I can laugh and mean it, but when I'm alone, then I'm sad and scared... I know that I have people that care, but it doesn't feel like it... my life feels good sometimes when I'm with friends, or maybe I have to force a smile with my friends and family because I feel like my life is so shitty... but no one at home will ever know how sad I am or how many secrets I have. They won't know that I'm scared to be alone but scared to break down and cry in front of people, so they won't know that I, too, can be lonely and scared... They think they know every secret and they think that I'm a happy kid. But the truth is...
They will never know the real me... it hurts...
But I plan on keeping it from them just so I won't be looked at as an attention whore or something like that...
I've had enough, but I won't do anything about it, just for my family and friends' sake...
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Places places gather in your places throw on your dress and put on your doll faces everyone thinks that we are perfect please don't let them look through the curtainsPleas consider me you lost sister .you can talk to me anytime .it hurts but it will go away I can't even the imagine the pain you must be feeling . I'll be your best friend if u want me to. And please don't just consider suicide because many people will not care but there is someone who loves you. As a sister ,as a friend .Your sister and me . If you will be friends with me I swear to god I'll never leave you. Btw I am 17. You can talk about whatever you feel to me anytime.
ReplyThanks, it means a lot
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