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I see you standing there
My brain tells me not to but my feet move your way
And now I'm standing in front of you
Eyes stinging and stomach swirling
"You hate me and I wish you didn't"
But you turn your head away
"I loved you"
The left side of my chest aches
"And now you don't"
The mistakes I made you can't forgive
This rip in your universe I can't sew shut
"Is there anything I can say to make this better?"
And you tell me,
But time doesn't move backwards no matter how hard we try
I can squeeze my eyes shut until I'm dizzy but they'll always open to a blurry and familiar place
"No, there isn't, please go"
"Ok...I'm sorry"
And I walk away, head low, trying to piece together where, when and how I went wrong
The pain lingers and pulses with each breathe
My fingers shake
If I could shake the pain
The guilt, the total loss of control
If I could change how I see myself
If I could talk to that little girl who hated herself and just tell her to stop
Stop, 'cause you'll only make worse mistakes
'Cause you're going to make a really big one
And if I could tell her what it was, she wouldn't believe me
I don't believe me
So I'm sorry you
And I'm sorry me
I didn't deserve this either
I didn't deserve to hurt myself like this
"I didnt want to lose either of them"
But in the end the only one I truly lost was me...
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