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Disappointment.
7 years ago · 1
570
Disappointment.
Failure.
Waste of efforts.
There is nothing that wrenches your heart more when you realize that all of the above is what you have become. You simply want to disappear into a box or a hole so that you don’t shame your parents anymore in front of anybody or just simply cease their disappointment with your non-existence. Every part of you feels heavy and burdensome to know that you have failed somebody. Your own thoughts meddled with their half spoken words stab you in the heart a million times throughout the day and any pleasure or satisfaction feels forbidden, for you deserve nothing. The world feels scary and every passing moment makes you feel more unworthy, and incapable of anything.
The perpetual lost feeling soars high as it takes you to its ultimate destination of the loser title, the fool, the idiot and the coward. Even after all this, you failed.
You want to fix it. Do just anything to make everything alright, appease the disappointed and wave the horrible darkness within you far away. But, it’s like scratching on a coarse surface, reaching the surface of the water for air but being rudely pushed back even before you manage to gather any air.
My hands slightly tremble as I type this, my eyes seethe back the tears that threaten to fall, my gut twists and my heart drops for the infinite time.
Patience?
Tired.
Hope?
Lies.
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You can still make it. One day, one step, and one goal at a time.
Those that love you will know you are trying and will understand and forgive.
No one else is more important than you right now.
What do you want for you?
Fix the things that you feel would help you feel better about you, and don't worry what others think. Success means different things for everyone, and different things at different times of your life.
It could be as simple as surviving one more day....that is success if you are having a very difficult time...but it is still success.
If you need to learn tolerance and you work at it and now you have it...success.
You are and can continue to be successful.
You have got this.....you do.
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