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My English isn't good. Please bear with me.
I am a jerk who takes great pride in work. In fact, my job isn't that great for many people, I just love it because it is my passion.
I'm a freelance that is in contract with some agencies and direct client.
There is this agency that I put my life into it, literally. I canceled meeting with friends, became an inattentive wife, and so on. I could work like 15-20 hours a day. The pays are great and I just couldn't stop working. This agency becomes my main source of income. I have to work, not only because I'm a workaholic who doesn't have a life, it's also because my husband's income aren't enough so I have to help.
Lately, I have been doing lots of mistakes that I think it couldn't be undone. I couldn't meet the deadline. Even though it was only several minutes late, it was really fatal in my field. They started to give me less job last month. Usually they give me around 35-60 projects a month. But last month, they only gave me 19 and even much less this month. They lost trust in me. Next month, my contract with them is over and it's up to them if they want to extend it or not.
I am really anxious. They are the best agency out there.
I deserve it. Perhaps I am punished because I am overly proud and too workaholic.
Now that I am still fighting with my husband (for another reason of course), I feel like my life is over. I don't have many friends too. I want to die but suicide is forbidden in my culture, so I am afraid.
I am such a loser and an incompetent human being.
For any workaholic out there, I wish the best for you. I hope we can keep our sanity.
And for you who aren't workaholic, I hope you don't become one...
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You can always find another job.
Where there is a will there is a way.
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