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Now I finally get it, it’s so hard to walk away from a relationship that's starting to feel so unhealthy. It feels like the good moments are worth it. When times are good, they are unbelievable, the feeling overpowers everything. But I am more unhappy than I am happy. How can I differentiate if it's my own self-happiness or if it's the relationship? I know I’m nowhere near perfect, I have my flaws just like every other living organism alive. Mines, however, seems to overpower my body, my mind, my heart. It takes every sane dignity in me to try to keep my head straight. My situation can always be worse. My problems are so minuscule but I can’t seem to convince my mind. My heart gives so much to people with so little in return. My body aches to be happy and healthy. These flaws trained my mind to think I am next to worthless. The only thing separating me from being completely worthless is that I do a little good to help others smile. So why can’t I smile? It goes back to the question.
Is it my own happiness or the circumstances around me making me think so? The question shifted a little. As I write more, I begin to make a little more sense. Why doesn't anyone seem to understand? A dumb question too many of us ponder on for far too long. The answer is simple. N O O N E is going to understand entirely. As soon as you get that out your head, the sooner you're a step closer to awareness. Here are some questions that I do wonder, that someone else might have the answers for:
How do I reach that eternal happiness? I don’t mean being happy all the time. We are human, we have a number of emotions, some that we don't even understand (I have a lot of those). I mean that eternal happiness where ....
I don't even know what eternal happiness, so many ideas in my head.
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