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Everyday when I wake up, I tell my self all the great things I'll do and places I'll go.
I get up, eat, get ready, have coffee, suddenly its 5pm and I haven't gone out yet. I worked finished my deadlines early.
Now it's 6pm. No problem. Stores are open till 9pm here. I get the list put on my shoes and just when I'm about to leave, my boyfriends home. I glance at my watch it's 7pm we're both hungry and cook, we eat, ask each other: how was your day?
The dishes are done, it's 10:30pm I go to bed.
We lay there side by side. We speak as though we've never spoken before. We're stiff and rigid banging around words we mouth so uncomfortably.
I feel lonely. I try to explain. The words come out right but seem to miss his ears or his brain, I'm never quite sure which. I try again. And again. And again.
I get frustraited, I want to yell at him, I want to slap him, hurt him, tear into him, just to feel he heard me.
A slight nod of the head again. I give up. I want to cry, I want to sob, let the pain wash the anger, fear and frustration, replace it with pain that will fade. But I never do. I can't cry when I feel so far away. So lonely, somewhere drifting between everything he said, but didn't mean.
When he says he cares with that sweet smile, I feel alone.
I want to feel something come from him, but there's nothing. And I wonder.
Do I frave love and care I project on him? Or can't I feel real love and care from him?
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Sounds like you love him but he can't express his love back to you
My boyfriend's like that,it's hurting me as well but i can't change him
Try talking to him,tell him what you just told us.
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