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i have been wearing a laughing mask for half of my life, now i am 21, i can't look at myself without feeling pathetic, hopeless, disgusting, useless, i can't look down while sit down or else i will never look up for 15 minutes, i am alone, i have been alone for 3 years now, time to time, i hear from people i love (parents), but little do they know that whenever i talk to them for that 5 minute chat, my mask comes on, and darkness fades temporarly but shortly after ... i see darkness again, the unending self-hatred comes back again, then i start thinking about killing myself again.
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