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I know what I need to do. Why am I not doing it? I'm so scared of messing up, but I know the fear is not real.
During senior's honors night, our retired assistant principal gave a speech. His speech ultimately was to tell us to listen to our inner voices. I even went up, in front of our entire class, just to confirm what he said to be true; that I firmly believed in that.
Here I am, still believing that, but not enough that I am taking action.
I need to enroll in college. I have less than 60 days before the first day. I missed orientation. Weird thing is, is I've reached out for help. All of my 3 siblings have graduated, and I reached out to all of them. Though, never have we found the time to sit down and enroll myself. I've tried looking up YouTube videos, and simply navigating their website. It's still unclear. I even know what I want to do. Now, I know I need to contact a counselor, but this feeling of doubt that I'll look stupid for doing it so late is keeping me from contacting one.
YouTube in itself is something I need to make more of priority of. I waste so much time. I know I waste time because it numbs me to be entertained. I'm so stressed that it stops me from directing my focus towards something productive. That's why I am here, venting, so I can at least get some of my thoughts out.
Lastly, family. I have a place to go. I have a secure job, and can pay rent to my sister. Now I just need to move. This is something that can happen soon. This is the only thing I think I am confident in doing right now. But, why haven't I done it yet?
I think I need to do what I can first.
Move out. The time I'll have with my sister than will be enough to catch her so I can get her help in enrolling in college. I should type out my thoughts more on here, that way I am not distracted by my stress, and I can focus on my YouTube channel. See? All of my problems solved. Nothing is stopping me from achieving the above,
Only myself.
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