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I once needed to know that my friends would always be these wonderful people, who were charming and funny. That even if they were not those things in anyway shape or form one hundred percent of the time. They were still good people. Though what I found instead is that these people are far from friends on any level. That somehow putting other down for their weaknesses and choosing to belittle people is somehow being a great friend. That we're keeping it real. That because they are bored, you must amuse them. Or that if they say your boring, is somehow okay. As what I would find interesting differs from they're highly entertained interests. For many years I wouldn't say something, I figured these people are my friends. They mean well. Now I see how wrong I was in that way of thought. So much wasted time twisting over how I felt about it and not saying something. Wasting my time mentally, with vague ideas of them feeling embarrassed as someone would treat them as they have me. These ideas do more harm than good. With that said, I can't remain friends with these people, no matter how "good" they appear or how smart they are. Putting people down or thinking less of people for whatever reason is not cool. So to put an end to it all, I need to treat them as I honestly want to be treated. With respect and kindness. Not the overly coddling type either. Genuine care and truth. Which brings me to another point, I understand that people will tell you an ugly truth. That it will "sting", though I believe it is in how we deliver it which matters. Though the most important part for me in this self sting is knowing no matter how I treat them, no matter how much I now protest and speak up for myself. If this isn't a continuous process for me. They'll expect me to fall to my old ways and old self. Even with the current mental grief that comes with separating from people. There is the part of me that is like why not remain who you are, why change and be alone again? Simple, we cannot at this point in our lives continue to put your self worth down any longer. So I will keep stinging myself with the truth of this. Knowing that from the pain we grow.
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