Recovering is hard.

I just feel like I have to get these thoughts out of my head, because keeping them inside me is hella hard.

Recovering from self-harm is so hard. It's so easy to just give in to the thoughts and just self-harm. It's so easy that it's actually scary.

And I want to get better, but I'm so insecure and I have a horrible self-image. I'm afraid my boyfriend doesn't love me anymore but he does, and I love him. I'm afraid I'm a disappointment to everyone. I'm afraid that I might gain weight because yes, I am also recovering from an eating disorder. I'm afraid I'm too fat. I'm afraid I'm ugly. I'm afraid of every single thing in life and it makes me want to give up, but I still want to live. I want to do so much in life, but still I'm thinking, "what's the point?"

There are so many thoughts like these inside my head that I can't even get all of them in order and write them down. My head is just chaos.

I haven't slept well last night so that makes all of it worse. And it's horrible. I hate this. I just want to be healthy but the road to being fully recovered is so long and it's hard...