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So, I've not been perfect in my life. I know I've done some bad bad things, but I can't let it define me. Looking back now, and knowing what happened in the past to me wasn't my fault, even though multiple people that I thought I could trust felt it would be fine to do what they did to me, touching me in places they simply shouldn't have and worse, it was not my fault. It affected me, sure. I did some questionable things, I didn't value my self worth, and likened myself to dirt, but I'm better than that. The impure acts stopped when I got out of such a volatile and corrupt environment, and looking back, as mentioned, my actions were horrid. I still feel so impure and disgusted with myself, but I'm doing everything I can to be better and make a positive change, but I can't help but think it won't be enough, and I'll be doomed. I really am remorseful of what I've done, the fighting, the anger, the substance abuse, the mood swings, the way I treated others, everything. I just hope and pray that I'm forgiven for all my past actions.
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If someone on your life talked to you the way you talked to yourself, you would have left them a long time ago....
What happened to you obviously wasn't your fault. What you did, while you say were "Bad bad things", you only did them because that's what you felt would be normal.You say these acts ended when you got out of the situation. If that truly is the case, there is nothing to be scared of, especially if you truly are remorseful of your actions. It seems you've had this on your mind for a while. If that is the case, and if nothing has come of the incidents, why does this scare you so much now? The things you did must not be deemed as terrible, otherwise you would've felt the backlash by now. I believe you might be stressing purely because you're overthinking things. Almost everyone does bad things at some point in their lives; things they aren't proud of, but you can't let it define you. You were obviously corrupted and manipulated by the environment you lived in. That's over now, people will understand you, and your loved ones won't change their stances on that. :)
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