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My thoughts are all over the place, forgive me as it may be hard to follow, but I hope your able to understand and follow my train of thought as you read along.
I know he won't ever see this and that's okay. It would be too much for him to handle anyway. I know I want to write my feelings out, I know I want to tell him... perhaps this will prepare me to do so.
I absolutely love you with all my heart, to see you drinking, smoking, and not doing too good breaks my heart. I miss you, I miss our friendship.The fact we can't see each other everyday or too often has become a problem for us and has affected our friendship in ways that hurt too much. This hurts me more than I would like to admit. I know we have so much history, we have a dreamy fairy tell story, and now we had to return to being friends because that night, prom night, was too overwhelming for both of us. You told me you were in love with me. Why did you give up? I knew you before you starting partying, an honest, genuine guy who cared. I know you are still the same person, I know it. So why do you continue to do what you do?
I had to tell you I didn't like you, nor did I have feelings for you but that was a lie. You pushed me away after prom night because you didn't wanna hurt me. The only way to save our friendship was if I said the words, "I don't like you and I don't want a relationship with you"
If you really care about someone, you show it... right? I wish I was more aware of my actions towards you. Maybe you're treating me the way that I treat you? I don't know. I miss you, I miss our friendship.
I want to be with you, I do... But I also know we can't be...
Being completely honest I know I don't want a relationship with you because you're too immature and I have too much going on with school, working and tutoring. Im waiting for you to grow as a person, let me be by your side as you do. So we can continue our friendship. Give it a try, see where it goes. Im going crazy I just wish I had some sort of clarification. Some sort of reassurance. I miss you and I absolutely love you with all my heart. Choose me. Why cant you just tell me whats going on in your head? honestly. Im the one putting in all the work. Why? Why cant I just get over you and forget you. I don't think I can as of now because theres too much left unsaid. My heart belongs to you and it has always. You dont know that because if you did you would push me away. You push me away because you want to party and live it up so you don't wanna hurt me. I want to live it up with you! trust me I do but I can't at the moment. I can't and thats killing me. I miss you, I want to know what you're thinking and I just want to be with you. Ahh time... we just need time.
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