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I found this website a decided to let out my feelings. Maybe that'll make me feel a little better...
I have suicidal thoughts , depression and insomnia. I haven't told anyone because they'll just tell me it's a phase or to get over it. Nobody cares. The main reason I have suicidal thoughts and depression is because of my parents. Every day the constantly feel the need to tell me how useless I am and that I'm lazy and will never become the things that I aspire to be. Every night I cry and think how my parents life could be so much better if I never existed. They wouldn't have to pay for my school , my room , my food and they would save up so much money to build their dream house. I think about them and how happy they would be if I never existed. I want to talk to someone about it but nobody listens to me because I'm a kid. "It's just a phase" they say. But honestly it's not. I've tried multiple times to end my life. But I never gathered the courage to do it. So I'm here trying to deal with my emotions until I finally move out of this house and don't have to bother my parents again.
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You are absolutely correct, it is not a phase. You are doing the right thing about trying to talk it out. Bottling it up inside, is just going to make it worse and you continue to think about it over and over again. I am sorry you don't have a person directly in your life to tell you what you are going through is not a phase and does need help. I know its cliche, but don't go through with it, it does get better. Does your school have a counselor you can talk to?
ReplySadly no. I live in Romania and people here could care less what happens to someone.
ReplyIs that the culture in Romania? Is there something to strive for? Like what could life look like for you in 1 year? 5 years? Is there something attainable that is worth living for?
ReplyOh no I hate that you feel this way. I'm grown and I still have suicidal thoughts and the best advice I can give you is don't do it to yourself. Don't hate yourself to give them satisfaction. The best thing you can do to get back at them is to make something of yourself. To be happy. But killing yourself is not the way only person you're hurting is yourself and for what because your parents are dicks. let them be dicks..... you make sure that you succeed, that you better yourself, that you become better than them and at the end of the day they're going to be looking at you feeling stupid and insecure. please love yourself. I have to tell myself this all the time and I hate to hear that you're feeling depressed and suicidal. Please understand that I understand where you are coming from. I'm dealing with it at this very moment but to hear that someone so young is dealing with this right now just breaks my heart. good luck
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